An Inundation of Nothing

For the past 9 months I've been stuck at home approximately all day, approximately every day. Many people, trying to make the best of the situation, have been able to take up new hobbies. "With all my free time, I can finally learn that instrument!" Or, some similar and time-consuming goal. I love seeing my friends able to try new things, but I can't sympathize. Hearing them say that makes me wonder; what free time are they talking about?

While the pandemic continues, so does the work. Over the summer, I was able to get a job (something I'm very lucky for!), and I was back on the 9-5. And since classes resumed at MIT, I'm more on the 9-9. The only additional free time I've had is that which would have been taken up by socializing outside... which isn't exactly a reward.

The mental exercise of stepping outside of myself, of trying to examine what my actions and moods have been since March, has helped me learn more about myself. One thing I've learned is that too much of nothing can be suffocating - I think that everyone who's been around planet Earth this past year knows what I mean.

Another thing I've learned is that despite having literally nothing else to do, my capacity for grinding through PSETs and assignments has gone down greatly. Why shouldn't I be able to sit down in the morning and do a cool 8 hours of work? I wish I could. Honestly, I feel a bit bad that I can't, like it's an issue of self-discipline. 

However, I have to remember that it's probably because my brain evolved to distinguish fruit from leaves and identify predatory birds. Doing schoolwork without the school, going to lectures without the lecture hall, and taking a lab class without the laboratory is just not as pressing as the virus, the protests, the politics, the environment, the homeless. And it's just not as real as the worries of keeping my friends safe, the work of figuring out where I'll be living next month, or even the view of the four walls that have been around me all day.

 

What does this mean for 20.109? I wrote this because I wanted to offer a candid student perspective to the faculty of the class, in case it will help them in the future. Speaking of - the faculty of this class have been some of the best I've met at MIT. The lecturers were enjoyable and they and the rest of the course staff clearly cared deeply about the course and the students - that has meant a lot this semester. While I don't have a ton of actionable suggestions, a criticism I have is that I've been conflicted about the assignment schedule for the class. Having 2-5 assignments due every week is a significant stressor. Even if the work doesn't take that long (and often, it does), having so many distinct and imminent deadlines is difficult to manage, because there's never a time to take a break. On the other hand, when it came to writing some of the major assignments, I was glad that much of the work was established in the homework assignments. Is there a way to build up to the large assignments, without an inundation of smaller ones?

Unsurprisingly, this semester has been unlike any other. It feels like there's so much nothing and simultaneously I have the full workload of MIT bearing down on me. For me, I can manage because I have built up the self-awareness and mental health resources to endure. And in the future, I will definitely look back at this semester in the context of "if I got through that, I can get through anything." I hope that others feel the same way. Unfortunately, there's going to be at least one more semester like this, and I know the spring's going to be tough for me too. I hope that, with the knowledge of what students have gone through this semester, MIT faculty continue to improve and adapt courses and course work to meet the standards of learning and study that, although different from previous semesters, are commensurate with the state of the world right now.